I didn't want to be here
I would be a doctor probably. Or maybe an astronaut if you go back to the dreams I had when I was a six-year-old.
If I look at what I wanted to do when I was 10, I would have told you that I would be a research chemist. I might have even found the cure for diabetes or cancer or something.
As a freshman in high school, I would have thought I would be a Rose Hulman graduate. A biomedical engineer. Maybe a physicist. I would have played volleyball in college, too.
As a freshman in college, I would have been a corporate brand strategist at this age. Maybe working in a big city. Or maybe even married with a kid on the way.
What I absolutely would have not dreamed of is where I am now. To be honest, this would have been a shock to me. I could not imagine looking my 19-year-old self in the eyes and telling her,
You will have left a high-paying job and taken a waitress job. You are working as an assistant at the university you attended. You will move back in with mom and dad. You will not be a Kelley graduate. You will not graduate with honors. You will not be an honors student. Better yet, nothing you planned will go as planned.
But my God, are you happy.
For the absolute longest time, I treated my life like a checklist. I wanted this degree. I wanted this title. I wanted this so called perfect life.
My life is not what I planned, but I can honestly say I am the happiest I have ever been. I have made some great mistakes. You know, those mistakes that make you really see how far you have slipped. I have grown. I have learned to accept myself as I am.
So here is what I would tell my younger self, today:
Mackenzie,
Life is not about planning. Stop researching what your life could be and just live it.
You will feel really cocky at some points in your life only to turn into someone who sharply responds to burst every positive bubble in your life. You will isolate yourself to grow and right your wrongs.
You will find yourself again, but you will struggle to see yourself as worthy.
Luckily, some incredibly amazing people will build you up. You will have friends who welcome you back with open arms. You will have family who love you through it. And you will have a boyfriend who, as much as you might try, will never be scared away. They will love you no matter what, and there is nothing that you could say that would change that.
And all of that is worth so much more than a job, a degree, a house or a city. Happiness isn't miles away. Home isn't where you are. It is who you are with. It is who you become.
No matter what life throws at you, it will all be great. Don't try to find happiness; be it.
xoxo, your future self
So no, I didn't want to be here, but there is nothing more that I could ask for. My life isn't perfect, but it is full of joy. And that is not something a title or money could buy.
If I look at what I wanted to do when I was 10, I would have told you that I would be a research chemist. I might have even found the cure for diabetes or cancer or something.
As a freshman in high school, I would have thought I would be a Rose Hulman graduate. A biomedical engineer. Maybe a physicist. I would have played volleyball in college, too.
As a freshman in college, I would have been a corporate brand strategist at this age. Maybe working in a big city. Or maybe even married with a kid on the way.
What I absolutely would have not dreamed of is where I am now. To be honest, this would have been a shock to me. I could not imagine looking my 19-year-old self in the eyes and telling her,
You will have left a high-paying job and taken a waitress job. You are working as an assistant at the university you attended. You will move back in with mom and dad. You will not be a Kelley graduate. You will not graduate with honors. You will not be an honors student. Better yet, nothing you planned will go as planned.
But my God, are you happy.
For the absolute longest time, I treated my life like a checklist. I wanted this degree. I wanted this title. I wanted this so called perfect life.
My life is not what I planned, but I can honestly say I am the happiest I have ever been. I have made some great mistakes. You know, those mistakes that make you really see how far you have slipped. I have grown. I have learned to accept myself as I am.
So here is what I would tell my younger self, today:
Mackenzie,
Life is not about planning. Stop researching what your life could be and just live it.
You will feel really cocky at some points in your life only to turn into someone who sharply responds to burst every positive bubble in your life. You will isolate yourself to grow and right your wrongs.
You will find yourself again, but you will struggle to see yourself as worthy.
Luckily, some incredibly amazing people will build you up. You will have friends who welcome you back with open arms. You will have family who love you through it. And you will have a boyfriend who, as much as you might try, will never be scared away. They will love you no matter what, and there is nothing that you could say that would change that.
And all of that is worth so much more than a job, a degree, a house or a city. Happiness isn't miles away. Home isn't where you are. It is who you are with. It is who you become.
No matter what life throws at you, it will all be great. Don't try to find happiness; be it.
xoxo, your future self
So no, I didn't want to be here, but there is nothing more that I could ask for. My life isn't perfect, but it is full of joy. And that is not something a title or money could buy.
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